Their Secret Bargain Page 19

  Chapter 20

  YOU DIDN’T READ IT! Nick, sit down and let me explain. Please, it’s not like that.”

  His eyes. Nick’s beautiful silver-blue eyes were dark and turbulent, bitterly angry. “I read enough. I read enough to know that even though you said you’d keep my problem between us, you were about to tell the whole world I was so stupid I couldn’t figure out why the words didn’t make sense.”

  “It wasn’t just you. It was the teachers, the administrators—your family! Nick, don’t you see how much this might help other people?”

  “You said you wouldn’t tell anyone and I trusted you.”

  Jenn felt ill and the fear inside her was growing, expanding. Doubling in size. “You can…You can trust me. Nick, please, read the whole thing. Maybe if you read it all, you wouldn’t be so upset.” Her heart pounded and tears stung her eyes. The look on his face. Oh, Lord, what had she done? “I didn’t use your names. Yes, I cited you and Matt in my research, but it’s an online class. The university is two hours away.”

  “Like half the people in town didn’t go to the same school or have kids there now? You think they aren’t going to put two and two together? Do you know what people are going to say when they find out? It’s bad enough that so many people know I dropped out, but do you know how they’re going to respond when they realize they’ve been doing business with a man who’s barely literate? I’ll be laughed out of town.”

  “No, you won’t. Nick, please—”

  He swore, the curse more graphic than any she’d ever heard him use. “I’ve spent the summer, nearly every day, with you. You, with your name on every sheet of this paper. Do you really think they aren’t going to see a big red flag when you talk about the subject and the subject’s son? Everyone will know it’s me. And Matt…How could you do this to a kid?”

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She was trembling so badly that she had to hold on to the back of a chair. She knew better than to use real names, but she hadn’t thought it would be a problem to include Nick as an example. Since she’d figured out the problem, Nick had begun to read voraciously. His speed and skill improved every day, and his reading comprehension was rapidly growing to match the verbal and audio skills he’d perfected over the years. She’d noted all that in the report. Described how the father who couldn’t read comfortably now read nightly to his son—with such success that they were already on book two of Harry Potter.

  It was progress. It was a huge success and her paper was outstanding. Definitely worth an A. But she hadn’t once thought about Nick being upset. She hadn’t thought about anything but helping them both and passing her class. “Nick, please. Calm down. I know you’re angry, but I think…I think you’re overreacting.”

  “Overre—” He raked his fingers through his hair. “You don’t get it, do you? You don’t have a clue what you almost did to me by turning this in, and you don’t care.”

  She blanched, but Nick didn’t notice. He was too busy pacing and cursing, to see her flinch. “Nick, please, calm down and think about this. If anyone realizes it’s you, they’ll see how far you’ve come. It’s a story of success, not failure. It’s about the way a dad should be.” She twisted her hands into knots. “I’m sorry. I had to use the research I was doing to help you and Matt in my class. It was the only way I could spend time with you before the summer was over and…”

  “And use me as a case study.” He shook his head at her, and the man she’d come to know, the one she loved, was nowhere to be seen. “Glad you had fun, sweetheart, but it’s over. We’re done.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “Matt’s up to speed and ready for school, and you’re going on your trip.” He shook his head. “The summer’s finished. I’ll pay for you to take the class again. You can write a new paper, but you are to leave me and my son out of it. Do you understand me?”

  Jenn sucked in a deep breath. “Nick…” Her heart broke. “If I’d known you’d be so upset…If I’d had any clue, I wouldn’t have done it.”

  His gaze narrowed on her, frozen and sharp. “Wouldn’t have done what?”

  She struggled to form the words. “It’s gone. I—I already sent it. E-mailed it. I knew I’d be busy tomorrow and…I’m sorry. I’m so—Nick, wait!”

  “Pack up our stuff and leave it at the gym.”

  “Don’t do this!”

  He stomped across the room toward her, but only because she stood between him and the door.

  “I didn’t do anything. You did. I knew from the beginning you were a mistake. I should’ve listened to my instincts.”

  She didn’t know what to say to that. So she said the only thing she could say. “I’m sorry.” The words were whispered, thick and revealing. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Nick, please…I love you, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  A raw curse blistered the air. “Well, you’ve got a horrible way of showing it.”

  SHE WASN’T GOING to cry. After Nick had stormed out and the shock of his words had worn off, Jen had kept herself in motion to keep from thinking. She’d known from the beginning it wasn’t going to last forever. It would have ended soon regardless. But she hated what had happened. Why hadn’t she told Nick she was using him and Matt in detail? Maybe because she knew he’d react that way?

  Self-preservation. You knew he’d be upset, and you knew it would matter, but you did it anyway. You still look at him as a fifteen, and you see yourself as a five. Grow up!

  Jenn opened her gritty eyes and blinked wearily. After tossing and turning all night, she’d stayed in bed for far too long this morning, staring at the ceiling and remembering the time she and Nick had spent there. Was she that self-destructive? That afraid of liking herself, of loving him?

  She had to finish packing and make sure the house was secure. She’d have to call Suzanne to see if she could run by and water her plants, get her mail. Do all the things Nick had offered to do for her while she was in Paradise.

  Jenn went through the motions of getting dressed for a workout. She couldn’t stop now, no matter what. Maybe Nick would be there and have calmed down. Maybe they could talk—and she could apologize.

  Dressed, she left showering and packing her toiletries for later. She wanted to pick up the phone and cancel her trip, but she was not about to do that. It had taken her all summer to gain the courage to go by herself, and while Nick had never said he’d go with her—and she’d never asked—it had been a secret fantasy of hers that he might come along. The two of them on the Caribbean island, playing in the surf.

  She was going. She had to go, period. If she could work up the courage to take that trip, then maybe she could find the courage to admit to Nick that she was afraid of what she felt for him and that…Had she really sabotaged herself?

  She went downstairs and found herself rummaging through the refrigerator for sweets. That’s when she knew she was in trouble.

  The walls threatened to close in on her and she couldn’t stand it a moment longer. She wasn’t the woman she used to be. The Summer of Jenn had changed that.

  Twenty minutes later she burst into the gym with all the attitude of a woman on a mission. Nick would calm down eventually. And he’d listen to her because he was such a nice guy. But why on earth would Nick listen to her after acting the way she had?

  Jenn ignored the curious looks of the other patrons and kept walking toward the back. Maybe she was self-destructive to some extent, but screwing up with Nick was not going to ruin her new attitude toward life. Maybe she hadn’t lost all the weight she’d wanted to lose, and maybe her fantasy dress still didn’t fit, but that was okay. Her goal was to become satisfied with herself, and who cared if the dress fit? It was several years old and out of style, anyway. All it represented was her past with Todd, the person she used to be and not the woman she was now.

  And the part about where you destroyed Nick’s confidence and trust in you?

  Guilt washed over her. Last night she hadn’t been able to make Nick see h
er point of view, but today…Maybe today would be different? Nick had to come to terms with what had happened in the past. He couldn’t read then. But he could read now. He was a smart, extremely intelligent man, and eventually he’d see that using a father-son example in a case study for a university two hours away, well, it would be okay. She’d stand by him. Help him. Love him.

  But regardless of what the future brought, she had to deal with this situation in a healthy, mature way. It wasn’t by striking out at Nick. Or herself. The only person hurt if she were to give in to temptation and drown her sorrows in chocolate would be herself. No more emotional eating for her. She’d made her decision.

  Jenn didn’t stop until she reached the heavy bag that was hanging from the ceiling at the back of the gym. The bag was surrounded by machines that faced the other direction. She wasn’t adept at boxing, at any sport really, but at least she wouldn’t have an audience.

  “I’m here,” Suzanne said, as she hurried up after Jenn. “What happened? You and Nick broke up? Is that what you said on the phone?”

  “Last night.”

  “Last night? Why didn’t you call me?”

  Jenn tried to smile and failed miserably. “I wasn’t in any shape to call anyone. Help me put this glove on.”

  “Wait a minute. You’re boxing?”

  “It’s better than drinking. I need to hit something. And I need to cover my fingers so they can’t shove food into my mouth.”

  “Uh-oh.” Suzanne took the heavy glove and held it for her. “Talk to me.”

  “It’s…” She would not cry. “According to Nick, we’re over. And it’s my fault. I did something stupid. Something really, really awful.”

  “What did you do?”

  Gloves on, she whacked the bag once. Twice. Over and over again. Faster, harder. Until her arms ached and trembled with fatigue.

  “That you or him?” Suzanne murmured.

  “Both.” Jenn was striking out at both their pasts, at all the people who’d hurt them. She kept up a good pace, hitting, kicking, kneeing the bag as many times as she could. Finally she ran out of steam. Her eyes were dry because she’d sweated the pain away.

  “Feel better?”

  Jenn shook her head slowly back and forth. “No,” she whispered, the sound raw. “No, I don’t, because I don’t want it to be over. I’m so sorry.”

  “Tell him that.”

  “I can’t. Nick doesn’t believe me. I was just so happy that it made me afraid and…” She lifted her head. “Suzanne, I love him. See? I said it, but it sucks because Nick hates me now.”

  “Oh, hon. What did you do?”

  She hesitated, but then knowing that Suzanne would keep it a secret, Jenn told her what had happened.

  “I can’t believe it. After all these years. Do you know how amazing it is that you were able to help them?”

  The sound that emerged from her chest wasn’t a laugh so much as a moan. “Nick disagrees.”

  “His pride is hurting. Badly. You can’t blame him for that.”

  “No, of course not but…Suzanne, I can’t take it back. A part of me knew he’d be upset, and I did it anyway.”

  “You didn’t use his name. And before you tell me what a malicious person you are, let me say that I know better. You wanted to help other people like Nick. If someone, anyone, out there reads your paper and some good comes from it, isn’t that worthwhile?”

  “Of course it is. But it doesn’t change the way I made him feel.” Her shoulders slumped. “What am I going to do? And my trip—what about that?”

  “Maybe you’re not approaching this from the right angle. Maybe it’s good that you’re leaving town for a bit. It’ll give you both some space and while you’re gone maybe Nick can come to terms with the situation.”

  “It’s way more than that.”

  “Then fight for what you want. You hurt him, yes, but people hurt the ones they love every day. We have to forgive and forget. And maybe…Maybe Nick is running scared, too. He loves you. Guys don’t come over to mow their girlfriend’s grass in ninety degree heat if they aren’t in love. Maybe he’s finally figured it out, and the news hit him like a ton of bricks. Nick probably needs some time to adjust and process things.”

  Suzanne’s words struck a chord, however. Nick certainly hadn’t read the whole paper. Comprised of research, charts, graphs, and visual examples regarding the whole concept of generational education, dyslexia and generational reading problems, the case study was fifty-two pages long. He couldn’t have read it that quickly, even with his tinted sheet.

  It doesn’t matter now.

  Or did it? She glanced at her watch and noted the time. “I have to go.”

  “Are you packed? Ready?”

  Jenn nodded.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the airport this evening? We could talk some more.”

  Jenn shook her head. This trip—the entire trip—was something she had to do on her own. Start to finish. But before she left, there was one more thing she had to do. “No, thanks. But thanks for being such a good friend.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Bring me back a cabana boy, then we’ll talk true friendship.”

  IN A LOUSY MOOD and fast losing what was left of his patience, Nick hustled the waitress off with a loaded tray. Uncle C.’s bartender had called in sick again. Cyrus had tried to handle the crowd himself, but then he’d slipped on a spill and had to go see his doctor. That left Nick to cover the big game night after a full day’s work and no sleep.

  Nick filled another round of orders, cashed out a waitress who’d worked a double shift despite having a sick child at home and sent a message to the kitchen to hurry up the appetizer orders.

  “Nick? Do you, um, have a minute?”

  He froze at the sound of Jenn’s voice. No way could she have the nerve to show her face after what she’d done.

  Nick turned and, sure enough, there she was. One glance told him she’d had a rough night, too. Her eyes were bright and red-rimmed, and the muscles of her face were strained. “Aren’t you supposed to be leaving?”

  Jenn nodded and looked away. “I’m on my way to the airport now. But before I go, I wanted to drop this off.”

  “I asked that you leave Matt’s things at the gym.”

  “I did. I took them this morning when I…When I went to work out.”

  Good for her. He’d figured she’d skip her workout today, all things considered. “Whatever it is, I don’t want it.” He smiled at the waitress who was heading his way. The last thing he was interested in was another woman, but Jenn didn’t need to know that. “Hey, Cheryl. How’s it going tonight?”

  “Busy, busy.” She sat her tray on the bar and rattled off five drink orders before sliding Jenn a glance.

  Blond and stacked, Cheryl obviously didn’t see Jenn as a threat. But Nick and Jenn had been in and out of the restaurant together enough that people knew something was going on between them. The waitress raised her eyebrows at the obvious tension.

  “Let me know when you’re ready to take your break.”

  Cheryl discreetly slid Jenn another glance. “I’ll do that. But if I don’t get a chance, are we on for later? Same as always?”

  Jenn stiffened. Nick saw her with his peripheral vision and turned to find her looking ashen and on the verge of tears. He hardened his heart at the sight. Cheryl’s “same as always” meant that instead of calling her bruiser of a husband, she would wait on Nick to close up and walk her safely to her car. “You know it. Here you go.” He put the drinks on the tray and handed her a bill.

  Cheryl shot one last look at Jenn and then gave him a wink of support before she took off.

  Jenn stood. “I’d hoped we could talk before I left but…You’ve obviously moved on already.”

  If she couldn’t tell the difference between a setup like the one he and Cheryl had just performed and the real thing he’d shared with her, he wasn’t going to point it out.

  “Here.” Jenn dropped somethin
g on the polished surface. “I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. I screwed up and…I was afraid of getting hurt, so I think a part of me thought it might be better to hurt you first. I’m sorry for that. You have no idea how much.

  “In my defense, I did it because I had a hard time believing someone like you could like someone like m-me. I guess I’m still fighting with the whole I’m worth it thing,” she murmured. “Anyway, I hope instead of judging me by the title of my paper, you’ll listen to this.” She didn’t look at him. “And know that if I could I…I care for you, Nick. And I was scared because…I love you.” She shoved the case across the bar. “Goodbye, Nick.”

  Chapter 21

  AFTER THE LAST CUSTOMER of the night headed out, Nick sat on one of the bar stools with an untouched bottle of Grey Goose on his right and a water bottle directly in front of him—along with the digital recorder Jenn had left. Wiped clean of everything but one selection, it held a recording of Jenn. Reading her paper.

  She’d begun by explaining the complex process of diagnosing dyslexia and described how studies have shown it to be common in families. How she’d begun working with her “case study” only to find that while there were some similarities between symptoms of dyslexia and Irlen Syndrome, her case had no problems with directional instructions such as left, right, up or down as dyslexics often do. They didn’t transpose their words when they were tired or stressed, but they often got severe headaches when they read. The list of comparisons and contrasts went on and on.

  In her smooth, sweet voice Jenn quoted statistics, her research, how her case could have been another example of failure instead of a generational success had it not been for the father’s determination that his son would not be doomed to the stigma associated with poor learning ability based on poor reading skills.

  With every word she spoke, Nick heard love, support and her pride in all they’d accomplished over the summer. And his heart broke because despite the title and her reasons for using him in her paper, she’d made him out to be a hero. The paper was factual and statistic-heavy, but it gave genuine hope to the listener that despite the odds and his age, Jenn’s case was able to receive help and could now read fluently after an amazingly short period of time. According to Jenn, he was a hero through and through.